Growing up, I was exposed to many a romantic love story: a damsel in distress is saved by the wondrous, most handsome prince in the land and they were to live happily ever after. However, I never questioned what “happily ever after” meant.

What is “happily ever after”? And to further this concern, why do the sequels of these perfect fairytales always seem too far-fetched to be true? The answer is: we cannot tell you what happens after because there are so many consecutive “happily ever afters” in your life that the end all would be the end of your life. When I was young, my prince charming was named Matt. We got married with a ring pop in preschool and he was my happily ever after, my Mr. Charming. Several years later, I moved and never spoke to him again.

My next Mr. Charming was named Ryan in 6th grade. He told me we would be together forever. I transferred in 7th grade and, again, never spoke to him again. No sooner did I find my third Mr. Charming, whom I believed I was going to live happily ever after with, when I was in 8th grade. His name was Tony. Once again, we went our separate ways in 10th grade, barely speaking ever since. So what is the point of this entire ruckus about Mr. Right or Mr. Charming? Mr. Who?

We tend to look for the qualities we lack in ourselves, in other people, ergo: opposites attract. Although that is not a bulletproof claim, it guides us in the belief that the qualities in our significant other should somehow bring out the best in ourselves, and vice versa. But how can we seek those qualities out when we are unsure of the qualities we possess in ourselves? Of course another person is capable of helping you find your inner strength and opening your eyes to things you may have never envisioned, but I truly believe that Mr. Charming (or Mrs. Charming) will arrive when we are saving ourselves from the dragon. It is most important to know that finding Mr. Charming is never your end all. Time and time again we are taught that finding Mr. Charming getting married is what will make us happy. But what is next?

What is it in life that brings you joy? It could be your family, your hobbies, going to church, your friends, or simply picking up a book and losing yourself into a story. Many times we lose what makes us unique in this world when we focus on Mr. Charming. Again, I say, why Mr. Who? No matter where we are, it is common conversation to ask about new possible significant other in our life and how we will go about getting their attention. To what value do you hold yourself to change what you love doing or your own uniqueness to gain the attention of another? Would you want someone to change his or her own uniqueness to gain your attention? Mr. Who, when you come out and show me who you are from the start, so will I. And that’s my happily ever after.